How to Stay Connected With Your Teen When They Live in Two Homes
Navigating the teenage years can be complex - for parents and young people alike. Add in the reality of shared care, where a teen lives across two homes, and the emotional landscape becomes even more layered. For many parents, a key question arises: How do I stay connected with my teen when I don't see them every day?
The truth is, connection is not about the quantity of time but the quality of it. Even when your teen is not physically in your home, you can nurture a strong emotional bond. And when they are with you, those moments matter deeply.
Here are some gentle, grounded ways to support connection with your teen when they live in a shared care arrangement.
Make your welcome matter
When your teen returns to your home, your face can say a thousand words. A warm, genuine smile — one that says, “I’m so glad to see you” — helps create a soft landing. These moments at the threshold, whether they are tired or chatty or somewhere in between, set the tone for reconnection.
And remember: take any hug you can get.
Invite them in, not just physically — but emotionally
Connection thrives in small, everyday choices. Invite your teen into conversations where they are seen and valued.
- Ask for their opinion before offering yours — especially when changes are needed to plans or routines.
- Let them bring “their other home” into yours. Whether it is a favourite hoodie, a funny story, or even a new slang term from the other parent’s household - show them that both parts of their life are welcome.
- Communicate on their terms. That might mean sending a Snapchat instead of a text, or using emojis when you would rather not. The message is the same: I care enough to speak your language.
Show up, even when they pull away
Adolescence comes with a push-pull dynamic. Teens seek increased independence while still needing connection with parents. Shared care arrangements can intensify that tug.
So keep showing up:
- Be consistent with boundaries and expectations. It helps them feel secure, even when life feels split.
- Respect their need for downtime. If they come home quiet or exhausted, let them decompress without taking it personally.
- Make time for side-by-side activities - walking the dog, cooking dinner, or driving to sports practice. Teens often talk more when the focus is not squarely on them.
- Don’t make them feel guilty when they want to hang out with their friends, on “your” weekend, when you haven’t seen them all week. Find room for compromise: You can go to the movies with your friends, and we'll sit down and share dinner together this evening when you get home.
Keep the little things steady
The details matter. Their favourite snacks in the cupboard. Their spot at the table. Not watching episode of the show you watch together, without them (or without their permission!). These gestures remind your teen that even when they are absent from your house, they are still in your thoughts and a part of your home.
When you get it wrong repair matters
And when things go wrong or mistakes happen – which will happen - apologise. If you snap or get frustrated and it lands on them, own it. Adolescents are incredibly perceptive. They notice when we are not fully present or when our stress spills out sideways. A simple, genuine apology, “I was overwhelmed and took it out on you, and that was not fair”, can be powerful. Apologizing when appropriate to do so, teaches them the importance of taking responsibility for your actions and that it's okay to make mistakes.
Let them know you believe in them
Tell your teen you believe they can navigate the challenges of living in two homes. Say it out loud. Often. Let them see that you trust their capacity to adapt and grow, even when things feel messy or hard.
Notice their strengths. Name what you admire in who they are becoming, not just what they do. These affirming words carry them through the moments you are apart.
A final word
Being a parent when your child lives across two homes is not always easy, but your connection with your teen does not have to be diminished. With intention, empathy, and a little flexibility, love can stretch across any parenting arrangement and schedule.