10 Practical Strategies to Manage the Holiday Season with Joy & Grace
Christmas and family tend to go hand in hand.
Wherever you look, the holiday season is filled with images of joyful reunions, perfectly set tables, and smiling children surrounded by loved ones. Certainly Hallmark movies and glossy adverts paint a picture of the “ideal” Christmas being one which is centred around togetherness, love and harmony. But for many families, especially those adjusting to a new family structure and navigating shared care arrangements, the reality can be far more complex. Christmas has a way of highlighting strained relationships, reigniting old tensions, and bringing unresolved conflicts to the surface.
When multiple households, extended families, and court-ordered parenting schedules collide, the result can be anything but ideal or joyful. So how do you weather the emotional demands of Christmas while making sure both you and your child still get to experience the joy, excitement, and sparkle of the season?
1. Plan Early and Clearly
Christmas falls on the same date every year, so where possible, start planning early. Start to discuss where your child will be and when, changeover locations etc, and any potential concerns with your co-parent well before the end-of-year rush begins. Giving yourselves time to iron out any issues and confirm plans reduces the likelihood of conflict during an already stressful period.
It also helps to inform extended family and new partners about the parenting schedule well in advance, so they can align their plans accordingly. This is much easier than trying to negotiate a last-minute change — especially if your co-parent is disorganised or resistant to flexibility or after flights or venues have been booked and confirmed.
2. Communicate with Care
How you communicate is just as important as what you communicate. Sarcasm, passive-aggressive comments, or veiled threats — whether spoken, texted, or emailed — only increase tension during an already stressful time and do nothing to help your child.
Aim for clear, respectful, and forward-focused communication. Keeping your language neutral and your tone calm can go a long way toward reducing misunderstandings and defusing emotional flare-ups.
3. Pause Before Responding (or reacting)
Christmas often amplifies stress, anxiety, and emotional triggers. If your co-parent says something that sparks anger or frustration, take a moment. Breathe. Give yourself a moment to regain your composure before responding.
Likewise, when faced with a request from your coparent that somehow triggers you. pause to consider all of the factors surrounding their request before you make any decisions. Don’t respond in haste! Acting out of emotion — especially anger, irritation or frustration— rarely leads to positive outcomes. Instead, wait until your thoughts are clear, your thinking brain comes back online and your heart rate is down. Responding with intention allows for better decision-making and more productive negotiations.
4. Maintain Respect
Respect does not mean agreement. But being polite and civil towards one other, even when you disagree, sets a powerful example for your child. Continue to use your manners. Avoid using:
- "you” messages of blame and accusation
- making threats of going to court
- withholding the children etc.
- bringing up old history
Accept that sometimes it may be necessary to agree to disagree if an issue cannot be resolved or you can’t find any common ground.
5. Compromise Where You Can
Remember the objective is to solve the problem, not ‘win’ the argument and to get everyone through the holiday season relatively unscathed. Inevitably this will require compromise. Paying attention, actively listening and trying to understand the other person’s point of view can greatly facilitate negotiations and assist in finding solution that is both realistic and workable.
6. Focus on Solutions
Be solution-focused rather than problem-focused. Once you have agreed on a plan — even if it's not perfect — document it clearly so both households are on the same page. Then stick to it. As well as creating stability for your child, adhering to any agreement made helps repair or build trust and goodwill that will extend beyond the festive season.
7. Pick Your Moment
Timing matters. Avoid bringing up tricky conversations after a long day, at the school gate, or when emotions are high (or alcohol has been flowing). Choose a time when you are both in a calm headspace and able to think clearly. Respect your co-parent’s bandwidth, and your own.
8. Let Perfection Go
The biggest thief of joy during the holidays? Unrealistic expectations. Christmas does not have to look like the movies. Let go of the pressure to create the "perfect" holiday and focus instead on what truly matters: connection, shared experiences with your child and peace.
If things do not go to plan, try not to hold grudges. Accept that some things are out of your control — and that is okay.
9. Be Kind to Yourself
If you find yourself alone for part of the holiday because your child is with their other parent, allow space for the emotions that come. Loneliness, sadness, and even resentment are all valid. Be kind to yourself. Practise self-care, reach out to supportive friends or family, and remember: your worth as a parent is not defined by one day of the year.
10. Keep Child Focused
Shift your attention away from your coparent (and their behaviour) and focus instead on the joy your child feels. See Christmas through their eyes. This may help reframe your own perspective and remind you of what is most important.