How Books Can Help Kids Cope and Heal

Parental separation and family breakdown affects thousands of Australian families each year. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, there were 120,844 marriages and 47,216 divorces granted in 2024 alone. These figures do not include de facto relationships or permanent separations that occur outside the legal process, yet they highlight that many Australian children experience family change and upheaval every year.

It can be hard to know how to help

Following separation, and as the family begins to restructure itself, many children show signs of stress and sadness, particularly if they have been exposed to conflict between parents. Amid so much change and emotional strain, it is understandable that parents can feel unsure how best to support their children.

Generally speaking young children tend to take their cues from the adults around them. How we, as parents or caregivers, respond to distressing or difficult events can help children make sense of their experiences and develop the resilience they need to cope now and later in life. Talking about feelings in everyday conversations is one powerful way to build that resilience.

Yet, discussing the very adult issue of separation can feel daunting. Parents are likely to still be processing their own grief, anger, or confusion, making it difficult to know where to start. Often, it's not actually the topic itself that makes the conversation hard, but our own emotions and experiences surrounding it.

The healing role of books

This is where children’s books and stories can help. Books have long been recognised for their ability to reach children’s hearts and minds. The concept of using literature for healing — known as bibliotherapy — dates back to ancient Greece, where libraries were said to hold “healing for the soul.” Bibliotherapy uses stories to help people understand and manage life challenges.

While traditionally used by therapists and educators, bibliotherapy can also be an invaluable tool for parents. Reading together allows children to explore emotions safely and gives parents a natural, accessible way to open up conversations — no professional training required.

In recent years, more children’s books have been written to help families navigate sensitive topics such as divorce and separation. My book, Max’s Divorce Earthquake, is one example.

Why stories help

The right story at the right time can spark meaningful conversation between parent and child in a gentle, non-threatening way. Reading together is typically a shoulder-to-shoulder activity rather than face-to-face, which reduces emotional intensity and makes it easier for children to ask questions they might otherwise keep to themselves.

Books also help children build emotional vocabulary. Naming feelings like sadness, anger, or confusion helps transform overwhelming emotions into something understandable and manageable. These moments reassure children that their feelings are normal and shared by others — they can be felt, expressed, and survived.

For younger children, picture books provide relatable characters and experiences. In Max’s Divorce Earthquake, for example, Max’s world “shakes and shimmies” when he learns his parents are divorcing — a metaphor that many children instinctively understand.

“Books are mirrors in which children can see themselves. When they are represented in the literature we read, they can see themselves as valuable and worthy of notice.”
— A World of Difference Institute

Because young children may not yet have the language to describe their feelings, stories offer another way to communicate and connect. Re-reading familiar stories gives children time and space to process emotions at their own pace — through listening, looking, talking, or simply feeling.

A conversation starter, not a replacement

Reading books is most powerful when it opens up communication, not replaces it. The real benefit lies in the conversations (and sometimes the silences) that unfold alongside the story, giving children space to reflect, and to compare themselves and their feelings to the characters in a story, enabling them to move through their feelings and cope.

Choosing the right book

When selecting a story, details matter. Children relate best to books that feel familiar and believable. For example, if your family lives in one city and your child calls you "Mum and Dad", a story about “Mommy” and “Mamma” who live on opposite coasts may not resonate. Likewise, if your child does not enjoy animal characters, a story about bears or dogs may miss the mark.

Look for books that share some commonality with your child’s world — relatable characters, language, or situations that reflect their experiences — even if not an exact match. Books that spark imagination or curiosity are also valuable.

So, if you want a book that will help your child better understand their changed family circumstances and navigate the emotional journey of divorce, take the time to browse before you buy. The storyline and characters do not have to match your child’s situation exactly. But be sure there is some commonality, that it includes a character or story line or situation that your child can relate to and/or something that will appeal to their tastes and/or imagination.

And remember — reading should also be fun

While books can be a wonderful support for children experiencing family change, not every story needs to tackle heavy emotions. Reading should remain a joyful, imaginative experience that offers connection, comfort, and sometimes, a welcome escape.